If I Ever Get a Chance to Meet My Younger Self, I Will Straight Away Punch Him

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

I’m at war with my younger version. I hate it more than anything else. When I look back, I only see an immature, foolish, and introvert kid. A kid with zero confidence. An introvert with poor body language. I painfully remember how I used to shiver in school. I was so shy & scared all the time as if I was guilty of committing a crime. The experience was soul-crushing. It was the scariest nightmare I could ever dream.

I wasn’t bullied but was dominated. I never took a stand for myself. Never tried to outsmart people. I was a mute spectator who clapped while others were climbing ladders of success.

Absolutely not. I think I was born like this. Maybe, while growing up such traits were induced by my parents and the people around me. My mother was mainly responsible for my shy nature. She never motivated or helped me in developing my confidence. In fact, she discouraged me every time.

I had a very strong inclination for sports. However, I was never allowed to play or participate in any sports activities. I loved music & dreamed of being a musician but music was prohibited too. I was made to believe music was a sin and It’s good for me to stay away from it.

I was only encouraged to study and be a good boy. A good boy who scores good marks. The one who stays away from girls. A boy who keeps his mouth shut in front of parents and elders. A typical studious boy who doesn’t have any passion. The one whose life revolves around books and only books. According to my mother, When someone knocks on my door, I should be seen studying. This is how I grew up.

Things gradually became worse when I was called a coward. Because I never picked up fights. If I was provoked, I would run away. I was damn scared.

Was I born like this? This question rattles around my skull 24/7.

When I look back, I feel sorry for myself. My painful past frustrates me. The enormous guilt kills me daily. I want to forget my childhood version. But, it regularly haunts me. Chases me like a jaguar. I want to completely erase it from my memories.

To be honest, I’ve zero interest in meeting him again.

However, If I ever get a chance to meet him, I will slap him. Punch him. Choke him. And will grab his collar and drag him to show how to live in this fucking world. I will teach him how to be confident. Would make him the bravest soul on this planet.

However, this is impossible now. I’ll have to live with the pain.

My childhood is like a scary dream. It's a world where both the victim & the culprit are the same person. And that’s me. Whenever memories teleport me in the past, I’m gripped in guilt. I feel guilty of killing. Killing my confidence. Finishing my dreams, Strangulating my passion. Choking my natural true self. Ending a journey before it began.

But I have moved on.

I was raised just like any other kid of the ’90s. There was no place for passion and dreams. You were openly encouraged to give up your passion and be a part of the never-ending rat race.

Unfortunately, I don't have the liberty to change my past. Nor do I have any superpower which will allow me to time travel and coach myself. I have suffered and the painful past will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life. The only thing I can do is to accept it and move on.

However, there is a lot to learn from my experience.

I humbly request parents to nurture and coach your children in a better way. So, they can be smart. Proud. And confident. in whatever they are doing.

The following tips can be useful for parents who want their children to excel in their life.

Communicate with your children: No matter how busy you are, always take out time for your children. Sit down with them & have a casual conversation. Patiently listen to them. Ask them to speak up and try to figure out if they are facing any problem. . Be friendly with them, so they can share everything that’s happening in school or in their life.

Observe your children: Carefully observe your children. Observe their body language. Observe their behavior. Carefully see how they walk and talk. You will eventually come to know how confident your kid is. Just check their confidence level. Are they confident enough to face people and this world? Do they maintain eye contact while speaking? If they lack confidence, they might face huge problems after growing up. Talk to your kids and know their confidence level. Motivate and encourage them regularly.

Keep a tap on their activities in school and outside school: 90% of the kids develop confidence, stage courage, and a strong mindset in school. They are developed or destroyed in school. Make sure your children aren’t being bullied or abused. Know how they are treated. Talk with their teachers. She is the one who’ll tell you how your child is behaving.

And the last thing, encourage them. Lift their confidence. Motivate them to live up to their potential. Guide them in a friendly way.

The traumas & experience of childhood stays with the person forever. Any incident of a tiny magnitude can shatter your child's dreams & may cripple his or her confidence and true self. I hope you are helping your children grow and making sure they are heading in the right direction.

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Writer | Life Coach | Counselor | Helping you fix your emotional problems & accelerate your personal growth.

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Abdul Kader

Writer | Life Coach | Counselor | Helping you fix your emotional problems & accelerate your personal growth.